Capybara

I am deeply unsettled by small rodents.

I have a very specific boundary with rodents: if it can hide in a coffee mug, it’s not welcome in my life. But make it the size of a labradoodle and apparently my brain short-circuits.

Enter the capybara,  the largest rodent on earth, shaped like a sheep that went off-script. Something in me screams "YES".

I just know the first time I hear one in person, it’ll be over for me. Total composure gone. Because apparently they don’t just make one sound- they bark, purr, click, and whistle like they couldn’t decide what animal to be. I'm sorry but that's fucking adorable.

They’re semi-aquatic, which already feels unnecessary, but then you find out they have webbed feet and can hold their breath for several minutes to hide from predators, and suddenly this 100-pound swamp rat is operating on a completely different level. It’s not an animal. It’s a Pixar side character with emotional depth.

Imagine- you stop chewing and your own face betrays you. Capybara teeth never stop growing, which means they have to chew on fibrous plants constantly just to keep it under control. One wrong move and you’re starring in your own live-action episode of Angry Beavers

Capys spend their days eating grasses and aquatic plants- six to eight pounds of it- just peacefully grazing, planted in place with the calm confidence of something that’s meant to be decorative.

And here’s what truly unraveled me: there’s a place nearby where you can visit them. Actually pet them. I’m nervous, sure- but mostly I’m buzzing. Animals reduce me to five years old without warning. Give me the strangest, most oversized rodent on earth and suddenly it’s my soulmate. 

I didn’t even know capybaras existed until Encanto. One crossed the screen and I thought, What is that loaf? Leave it to me to discover a new animal during movie night. Now I’m researching them like it’s a personal assignment and planning a visit. Small rodents still make me uneasy. But this one? I would override every survival instinct I have just to stand next to it.



White girl energy: approach nature with confidence and a shopping cart.