Fat Wuss

Why did I become fat in the first place? Easy. I ate too much.

No, seriously. I know I had a lot of my own psychological issues to work through, but what it came down to was that I wasn’t strong enough to deal with those things in a healthy way. Food was my comfort, my answer. But I can't explain why without going all the way through the way back machine...

Even at a perfectly healthy weight, I appeared thick and curvy. I was told I was chunky or fat by adults my whole life: dance class, in school pictures, and in bathing suits. Everyone always said, “Suck it in.” Apparently, having organs and a little baby gut was something to be ashamed of.

In eighth grade, I got a dress for our “prom.” It had a sweetheart neckline, straps, and a slit that went just to my knee. I’m short, big tits, with an hourglass shape. There were no bra straps showing and no spillage. Still, simply because I had titties, I was called a slut and told to cover up. Being called a “fat slut” by teachers and other parents really fucked with my head. I looked in the mirror and saw a hottie with a body, who didn’t know how to handle herself yet. Everyone else saw fat. Was I wrong? Was this body dysmorphia???

So, I went on a diet. But the scale kept going up. Duh. I was a kid. I was still growing, but I didn’t understand that yet.

In high school, I was a flyer on the cheer squad. I was literally being thrown into the air, and I still legit thought I was fat. Looking back, sure, I weighed more than I was technically supposed to for my height. But I was SOLID MUSCLE. I didn’t know that then. I was told otherwise. FUCKING BMI...

Diets didn't work, so eventually I gave up and ate the treats. Then I graduated and aged out of all my extracurriculars. I gained 20lbs almost instantly. On someone as short as me, it felt like a lot more. I became more depressed and turned to food even harder. It was what made the hurt go away.

Years went by, and my weight kept climbing. By the time I married “Uncle Mocha,” I was at my heaviest.

Having someone who wasn’t blood CHOOSE me forever was a HUGE deal for me. I was honestly way bigger than anyone of my stature ever should have been, but he chose me anyway. Having someone tell me I’m beautiful, respect me, and hype me up ALL THE TIME changed something in my brain. It finally allowed space for my own opinions to become more... kind.

Marriage also meant I was out from under my parents’ wing. It was time to do the hard things. It was time to look inward and get healthy. I chose to do it on my own at first. No injections. No surgery. Just me. I had nothing against either option, I just needed to prove to myself I could.

Cut to today... I’m currently down 80lbs from my heaviest. And let me tell you, losing those 80 was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life so far. I’ve been at my current weight for about 1.5 to 2 years now. Diet and exercise got me here.

Now I’ve hit a plateau, and I’m using the “popular” weight loss injections to help me break through it and keep going.

I really hope this works… Stay tuned.