The Argument That Never Was (And Never Ends)

“She asked for the thing, I gave her the thing, she screamed about the thing. Motherhood adjacent, baby.”

Sis is currently starring in her own one-woman show called "Everything’s a Debate and You’re the Enemy." Today's plot twist? She asked for apples, got the apples, then dragon-screamed that she didn’t want apples. When I calmly said, “Okay baby, we don’t have to eat them,” she immediately flipped the script: “NOOOO! I need the apples! GIVE THEM BACK!”

I swear, I’m not in a power struggle—I’m in a hostage negotiation with a four-year-old who keeps changing the demands mid-call. Her favorite move lately is asking for literally anything, then melting into a puddle of denial the moment I say yes. I’m over here like, “You won. I agreed.” And she’s like, “THEN DIE, TRAITOR.”

Meanwhile, Bubs is just trying to exist. Poor kid’s stuck in the background of every screaming scene like an unpaid extra. He glances over at the chaos, shrugs, and turns the volume up on his personal anthem of the week—probably something with a heavy beat and one phrase looped 47 times. As long as his song’s on repeat? He’s good. Kid's got noise-canceling vibes built into his soul.

So now I just zone out. Stare into the middle distance. Let the tantrum run its course like a haunted Roomba slamming into the same wall for ten minutes. I don’t argue. I don’t reason. I don’t react. I wait. I win. Eventually. I think.

Because the moment I give in, the moment I entertain the nonsense even a little bit, she levels up. And I’ll be stuck in a sequel I didn’t ask for.

TRUTH BOMB: She doesn’t want the snack. She wants the scene. And I’m not auditioning for her play today.