Princesses Run Errands Too

You never know when you’re gonna run into royalty at Sam’s Club. So dress accordingly, and always have a chicken joke locked and loaded.

It was supposed to be a quick trip. Just toilet paper. In and out. Famous last words of every adult who’s ever darkened the doorway of a big box store with a child in tow. Sis had chosen to dress as Belle, as one does when preparing to buy toilet paper. Full yellow gown, glittery shoes, and enough confidence to power a small city. She was riding in her “royal carriage”, legs crossed, posture straight, eyes scanning the peasants.

We were cruising through the aisle when I heard her… A woman around my age. Stunning in that annoying, effortless way. Ball cap, leggings, toes painted, on the phone casually chatting while looking the part of Lifestyle Instagram Model. She locked eyes with Sis and stopped cold.

She hung up mid sentence. Turned straight to Belle and began full on hyping her up like a one woman glam squad. Compliments were flying. Voice animated. She talked to Sis like she was a grown ass woman at brunch, but with sparkle. Belle was glowing. Just soaking it all in: a tiny narcissist being fed compliments.

Belle looks at her, tilts her little head, and says, “What’s your princess name?” Without missing a beat, this woman says, “Girl, I’m Princess Tiana,” and LAUNCHES into song. I’m talking full volume. No hesitation. No shame. She gave us a whole-ass performance in the middle of the store and didn’t even blink. Belle looked at me stunned. Real royalty! Her little eyes were wide, her mouth open in pure awe. It was one of those moments where you can feel the magic happening. She whispers to me, “Can I say chicken butt to her?”

She asked. Which is progress. Because ever since I taught her that joke, she’s been unleashing it with no warning. It’s her favorite bit. She says it approximately one billion times per day. So the fact that she even paused to check? Growth. I nodded. She spun around on her toes, looked her right in the eye, and hit her with it: “Guess what?- CHICKEN BUTT!” Princess Tiana- LOST it. Full laugh, clapping, blessed by the joke. It was pure, unfiltered happiness. And exactly the kind of nonsense that makes toilet paper runs worth remembering.

Moral of the story: leave the house dressed like you might meet a princess. Because sometimes? You do.