The John Dory Longing

It was Mother’s Day. Nothing fancy, a little family dinner. The air smelled like appetizers and passive-aggressive compliments. But Branch? She was laser focused. She needed “John Dory”. Not wanted-NEEDED.

Every thirty minutes like clockwork: “Is John Dory coming?” Yes, Branch. He’s coming… After dinner. Then came the glam. Full beat. Hair curled. Fanciest plastic jewels chosen like she was walking the carpet at the Trolls Met Gala. The final touch, “We has to get pretty for John Dory.” And I’m telling you, this girl meant it.

The timeline shifted. One family showed up an hour early. John Dory got held up and ran an hour late. That’s two full hours of Branch asking every 3 to 5 minutes, “IS JOHN DORY COMING?” We could’ve set a metronome to it. I started hearing it in my soul.

When he finally pulled up she launched into the arms of her muse, shrieking with joy. She looked like someone who just found water in the desert. Except instead of hydration, it was a 30-something man with jokes in his pocket and a calm aura. She worshipped the ground he walked on. But I mean, same!

Now for the backstory: Branch? That’s my niece-Sis, for the uninitiated. My husband, Uncle Mocha was dubbed "John Dory”. For a while now, we’ve been living in the Trolls Cinematic Universe. I’m Poppy, obviously, because pink hair means automatic royalty, and life’s too short to fight a three year old on casting choices.

We are all running around outside, she screams. I panic. Did a wasp fly in her eye? Is there blood? Nope. She thought John Dory left without saying goodbye. She’s clutching her hair like she’s three seconds from starring in a Lifetime movie (Seriously… you can’t make this shit up). Turns out he was in the bathroom. But to her, that was emotional abandonment.

Cut to John Dory buying her a little off Etsy with “his face” on it. She makes us lay it out flat, NO WRINKLES, and drape it so she can gaze at his face while she drifts to sleep. At nap time, she lays it on the floor and sprawls out on top of it like she’s a starfish in love.

Her crush fill eventually fade. For now, John Dory is her one and only.