Who’s Next / Dream Land

At some point, I stopped trying to make nap time soft and gentle. You ever try to coax a feral possum into a weighted blanket and a lavender oil dreamscape? Yeah, she'll bite you and steal your snacks before she ever drifts off. That's my niece. She doesn't do gentle. She does warfare.

So l invented a game called "WHO'S NEXT?!" —capital letters mandatory, because whispering that shit doesn't work.

Back when she was still in the crib, here's how it went: I'd gather her army-Bluey and the whole gang, the ragtag science center animals, Cookie the pink otter, and Chocolate the red panda. They'd pile on the floor like a tiny plush militia.

"WHO'S NEXT?!" l'd yell.

She'd point and shout her pick, and l'd launch the poor bastard into the crib with a different sound effect each time. Bluey went in with a "WOOF-BOMB," Cookie squealed her way across enemy lines, Chocolate crash-landed like a damn stunt double. One by one, they rained down until she was buried alive in polyester chaos. She'd chatter with them until sleep dragged her under. If I ever heard them talk back on the monitor though? I was out. Done. House abandoned.

That ridiculous airborne plush circus became our nap ritual. It was wild, it was wonderful, and it worked.

Now? Nap time has evolved. We make "rug island" out of pillows, blankets, and stuffies. No crib, no launches—just snuggles.

And she snuggles with her entire heart. She'll say, "Let me snuggle you," and then put both arms around my head and pull me into a toddler chokehold of pure love. She passes out like that, and I'm left trying to weasel out of her death grip. Sweetest feeling in the world.

But before she drifts off, we've got one last ritual. She has bad dreams sometimes, so we talk about happy things first. I'll ask, "What are you going to dream about?" Sometimes she gives me toddler nonsense, little ramblings of her brain untangling the day. Sometimes I say, "I'll dream the same." Sometimes I throw out something ridiculous to stretch her imagination. It's our way of swapping the chaos for calm, of turning the battlefield into a safe place.

And we always close it out the same way:
"I'll see you in dream land."